We all heard horror stories about husbands beating on their wives or the wife pouring hot grits on their cheating spouse. Most of us have watched, “What’s Love Got To Do With It,” which was Tina Turner’s life story. We were horrified as we watched Laurence Fishburne, who played Ike Turner beat Angela Bassett, who played Tina. Some were empowered as Tina started to fight back. I will never forget that famous car scene when she bit Ike.
Do you remember that movie? How did it make you feel?
Many have heard about Lorena Bobbitt, who cut off her ex-husband’s penis. Lifetime Movie Network recently aired her story. When she committed this act, many people have never heard of such a thing and she became a worldwide sensation and jokes of many headlines. Some may feel like her husband deserved it because he beat her for years. Others may feel like violence isn’t the way.
Do you feel like Lorena Bobbitt was right?
Domestic violence was embedded in me because that’s all I knew. I grew up fighting and I always condoned violence. I am the oldest of four girls and my poor sister Ashley was a victim. I used to scratch her every time she messed with my toys. I got plenty of spankings, but they didn’t help. I was very possessive. I remember when I was five years old, scratching up Robbie’s face. He was a little mean white boy who picked on me all the time. He was a bully and he took my toys. He didn’t expect me to fight back, but I always did. I couldn’t beat him because he was faster and stronger, so I scratched to leave my mark. I used to feel like if I am going to fight someone, then I will go crazy so they will leave me alone. One day Robbie took one of my toys and I couldn’t get it back. So I found a big rock and threw it. It hit the center of his back. He fell over in pain and I ran as fast I could into the house and locked the door. Later his mother, Claudia, came over to talk to my mother. My mom pretended she was upset with me in front of her but after Claudia left, she told me, “Good. That kid will never mess with you again or steal your toys.” She was right. The bully became scared of me. I never had to worry about Robbie pushing me off my bike, stealing my jump rope, or calling me names ever again.
I used to be really angry and I fought almost every week in middle school and my freshman year of High School. The girls didn’t like me and they never gave me a chance based on how I looked. I went through puberty early so I was developed at the age of twelve. The kids used to pick on me being top-heavy and spread rumors about me. I never forgot when I beat up a little boy named Antwan. He teased me every day in my 7th-grade year. I was so afraid of him and embarrassed about my body. I used to cry and tell my mother, “Mom, the kids at school are saying that I stuff my bra.” She would get upset because no mother wants to see their children hurting. Since Antwan spread many rumors about me in school, most of the kids believed it.
One day after lunch, we were standing in line. Antwan hit me and I just exploded on him in anger. I blacked out and slammed him into the wall. He was taller and stronger than me. I guess the adrenaline gave me the strength to fight him. I was tired of him making my life miserable and touching me was the last straw. The next thing I know is that I hit his back with my fist multiple times and scratched his face up. The crazy part is that he never got any hits after that initial hit. The teacher pulled me off him and I had to do after school detention for two weeks. Now the tables were turned. The kids started teasing Antwan for getting beat up by a girl.
I had a trend of violence because that’s how I was raised. I watched my aunt get dragged out of homes because she would flip on women that wanted her husband. Someone had to intervene so the women wouldn’t be hospitalized due to my aunt’s temper. I witnessed my mother get drunk and call people to curse them out. All these experiences factored into my life big time.
I will discuss further in a later section of how I was violent in relationships. Domestic Violence was a big part of my first marriage. When things turned sour, we both hit each other. I had to complete 36 domestic violence classes while I was on probation. It wasn’t fun. I was so depressed and stopped attending class for about three months. My probation officer threatened to have me arrested for not completing them. So I went to class broken on the verge of weeping. My classmates encouraged me to keep coming and the instructor favored me. He doubled and sometimes tripled up the classes in one setting, so I was able to finish quicker and on time with the rest of my classmates before a new group arrived.
I have learned the hard way of not being angry. It’s not worth hitting, destroying property, or getting in your flesh. We will be discussing various domestic violence topics, so you don’t make the same mistakes. With Jesus in my life, I am a different woman. I no longer fulfill that mad black woman stereotype. Many people always tell me how quiet and meek I am. That’s God! If they would’ve seen me years ago, then they would have said, “There’s no hope for that one.” However, God has a way of turning the worse people’s lives around. Whether you are the assaulter or the victim, God can transform you from the inside out. Now, it actually takes a lot for me to snap. When I said, “I am not going back to jail for no one,” I meant that. It’s not worth it. I learned to let God fight my battles. I can’t change anyone but He can. We are going to go deep as we discuss domestic violence. Are you ready?
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