Have you ever argued in front of your children? Many do and in the heat of the moment, they don’t even consider the children. Kids are like sponges because they soak up everything. They are replicates of their parents and know more than we give them credit for. I remember when my parents were separated. The atmosphere in the house was tense. My siblings and I heard the yelling, cursing, and name calling. We felt an influx of emotions such as fear, shock, and confusion. My sense of security was ripped away because our world was turned upside down. As a result, I ended up hating my father. I knew he loved me, but I was hurt when I watched the pain my mother endured. I made an inner vow that I will never be like my father, but I was more like him than I realized. When I was going through a divorce with my ex-husband, we argued in front of the children. We used to involve them in the argument and ask, “Who is right? Who do you love more, mommy or daddy? Who do you want to live with?” Sometimes the kids would choose me and then other times they would choose him. I was crushed when they picked him over me. It was as if my heart was bleeding inside.
We have to consider the following when we argue in front of our children:
- Seeds are planted
Seeds are planted and the children will think that it’s normal behavior. Do you want your children to go through the same things as you? Do you want your children to be happy and have a peaceful home? Do you want your children to marry someone like you? Your children will date people and pick a fight with them in the name of love. They may make inner vows and mistakenly repeat the same cycle. Seeds of fear are placed in their hearts and invisible walls are put up for future relationships. Sadly, they will attract the same spirit inside of them. For example, if they are broken, then they will attract broken people. As a result, the chaotic cycle continues as the pair destroy and tear each other down.
Ecclesiastes 1:9 (NLT) says, “History merely repeats itself. It has all been done before. Nothing under the sun is truly new.”
Your children are stressed out when they see you fighting with the other parent. They cry, they might wet the bed, and their grades will suffer in school. My son endured all these symptoms and he wet the bed until he was nine years old. We must stop being selfish and consider how the children feel. If you need counseling to cope with the loss of a relationship, then most likely, the children do as well. When you fight or end a relationship, the children break up with the person too. Perhaps the child formed an attachment to the other parent. Now it’s shattered because they might not see the other person as much. Many children are depressed because that spirit is a dark cloud looming over the entire household. When I was battling chronic depression, I shut down and it was hard to be a mother. Some days, all I did was sleep and I wasn’t invested in my children. I trained them to use the microwave and made sure they had games to play, which kept them busy until they wanted my attention. They didn’t realize how much they suffered because their childhood wasn’t as fun as it should’ve been during those dark years. My daughter suffered from anxiety because I had it. Even though my ex-husband and I did our best to raise them, the children’s sense of security was taken. I can recall a time when the children joined the argument as the moderator begging us to stop. That’s not fair to force a child to become an adult. They need to enjoy their childhood.
Psalm 122:7 (NASB) says, “May peace be within your walls, And prosperity within your palaces.”
The enemy is placing seeds of division as we argue in front of the children. They will take sides of one parent while despising the other parent.
Matthew 6:24 (NIV) says, “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.”
God’s plan for the home is unity. Families need to pray and stay together because the enemy wants to kill, steal, and destroy our lives. The devil loves to have the parents ripping each apart. Children need to have a safe, loving household. If you are arguing in front of your children, then stop. Have you and your spouse go outside, in another room, or in the car to talk about what’s on your heart. Remember, it’s not about you. Other lives are involved.